Foot in Mouth

A MAN was away on a business trip and stumbled onto a Hallowe’en party in the hotel he was staying at. As he mingled, he spotted a man dressed as Robin Hood and a woman of large stature dressed in a Tudor-style outfit. So he decided to try and make conversation.

The Tudor lady was standing in an imperious manner, knuckles on her hip and chest puffed out like Foghorn Leghorn. She wore a tunic that reached to her knees and had billowed sleeves. Beneath the tunic were thick tights and buckled shoes. So the man thought it reasonable to assume that she might be dressed as Henry the Eighth. Strange choice, but hey.

The first thing to come out of his mouth was to ask her if this was the case. But instead of replying, she burst into tears and fled the hall.

The man turned to Robin Hood and said “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. What have I said?”

Robin Hood replied “Thanks for that. It took me all day to persuade my wife to wear that costume.”

“So if I may ask, who or what is she then?”

“Snow White.”

Copyright (c) M K MacInnes

Fair Adornment – The Young Woman’s Guide

fairadornment

“Contentment and patience; self-denial and submission … (cough) … humility and subordination … (splutter) … prudence and discretion … (yup) … are all virtues, the seeds of which should be sown by you in early youth, that their rich ripe fruits may be gathered in after life …” (a little gem from The Young Woman’s Guide, republished circa 1894, original date unknown)

I’m going to be all of the above and zip it …)

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Imagine you’re riding a bike …

For whatever reason, the bike grinds to an abrupt halt and you go flying over the handlebars … Now think …

As the tail end of the bike rears up, do you:

a) instinctively take your hands off the handlebars and spread them out to protect your face and body from serious injury?

b) or do you keep your hands on the handlebars and flip onto your back with the bike on top of you, with the risk of injury to the head?